Sakura's Audio Log
by SISIXD
Summary: With pressure from all sides looming, Sakura contemplates what she wants in the end and works on what she thinks she needs in order to achieve those goals. Approaching the point of desperation but still hoping beyond reason that she can do what has to be done without hurting the ones she cares about.
1. Chapter 1- Planning against fate

**The following is an audio file on Sakura's phone**

Third of May 2014, Twelve minutes past seven at uh- Bayside Bedroom.

Ryan was right- about Ace being willing to do anything- to risk my life and his over me, or as he says, the fuckin' baby. He's got the leverage he needs to manipulate Ryan- Ace now has de facto control of him and it sickens me that he used me to get it.

I love him, he says he loves me, but it's what he doesn't say that really gets to me. His hands are effectively tied behind his back, he's too stressed and I think afraid for the both of us to do anything other than leave me.

I won't be cheated out of this because of Ace manipulating him- if he's willing to do that then he's shown his true colors, this didn't go how I hoped it did when I started, it got more- intimate- God- that was... Amazing- that spark being back again! Losing that with Ace is something I tried to figure out- but there was no solution and it was getting ever more dangerous being alone out there, then another white knight, a man who would be there, help me and hold me when I needed it. It's more than I can put into words, love is so overused and dubbed down that most people think it is worthless, hardly worth the air used to utter the word.

**Sakura could be heard sighing and her tone would be quieter afterwards**

So many things I can't do- I can't go back to Ace, I can't let Ryan suffer by my Ex's activities and I can't let him take full custody, I won't lose her, I can't. What needs to be done- how can I fix this?!

Kill Ace? It could work, but it's a last resort, I don't want her growing up without a dad unless it is the only option. First up- we need to stabilize with Ryan- he can't fight for me if his balls are under Ace's foot, I have to destroy his leverage.

The tools are at my disposal, Big Baby to get over the fence with the Electronic Countermeasures jamming broadcasts- my Access to the PRA base is authorized- get some explosives with my AF connections-I can do Fire Safety inspections if I don't get clearance to get the items I need. Some explosives at key points but keep the building standing, so it still allows air in to allow for a continued burn even when the damn AI tries to drain the air or use water. Napalm, burn everything in the damn place.

I did some Electronic Warfare exercises with Christian, get Big Baby monitoring for signals out of the base, if there are none it either means it is a wired transmission or is a temporary broadcast. That means I need to monitor for a few days for data bursts and trace them to any backup data stores he has so I can knock them out when the time comes. Check the perimeter for wired connections. I'll need Ryans help- I need a tech guy, maybe I could hack into the transmissions to find out where they are headed, or send a virus or something. SAN News history should give him good connections with some tech- savvy blokes.

Kill the AI and the data- maybe Ace would be open to joint custody. I don't want either of them dead, but I ain't having an imbalance of power in either of their cases- it's not fair for someone else to dictate what I do with my own flesh and blood- or my relationships! No, just no, period.

Everything is expendable except her- he played manipulation in my life so I guess anything is an acceptable response. I ain't waiting for him to screw me over. Time is... seven thirty seven pm


	2. Chapter 2- Unlikely Hero, Lost Cause

**The following is an audio file on Sakura's phone**

Fifth of May twenty fourteen, twelve thirty seven pm.

Doughnut shop parking lot, my Limo.

Ace's lot they- they saved me today, from the bloody AF boys who stopped me in Bayside and arrested me for wreckless driving- they said I was on the wrong side. Bullshit! They had their guns trained on me and pulled me out the car, one tried to taze me- thank God the vest is too thick for that.

They drove me up the damn mountain near El Q, took off my BLS bag and my vest. Then a group of about 6 people turned up and fired at the AF guys. They fought them back- but one of the bastards took me as a human shield- I mean- an actual trained soldier took me as a human shield! When the people pulled out it was quiet- 3 of those guys surrounded me and started asking how they found me- I had no idea.

He cut my vest open with a knife to check for trackers- Ryan's gonna have to get me another one- there wasn't one inside it and they were stumped. For reasons I can't fathom they left me on the mountain, I made my way back down slowly, trying to figure out what happened.

That tazer could have killed her- took her away from me. I clearly can't stay there, I'll be safer with Ryan. I'll tell Jonah or Leroy about why I'm leaving but I know nothing will be done about it- I mean- what could they do?

Whole fucking AF- or PRA as they bloody call themselves is broken and complacent from the inside. It needs to be purged, but I can't put her on the line, they'd know straight away who reported it internally and go for me. I've had dealings with them before. Treating me like a terrorist- no rights- they can be just as bad as SA.

I had some messages from Ace and Olivia asking if I needed help- I checked them later as I was just being cuffed for transfer when I got the messages. If they hadn't have came along…. TR Failed my baby- and me none of my own units under my command supported me! The Nation is screwed as a whole.

My Ex came through for me, and that's something I don't know how to explain- was it just for her or was it for _us_? I have to say; he went all out- there was a damn chopper surveying the AF guys- might have had snipers on board for all I know. I need to be careful; I've obviously underestimated what support he has at his disposal-

**Her voice would become noticeably quieter and more distraught**

Can I… Even win anymore, can I fight what he has over Ryan and me. I can't lose her- not to him- not to care- I won't! **Sakura whimpers for a few moments before taking in a deep breath, her voice becoming more assertive afterwards**

I've- I got myself into this, I've made my bed, I just have to sleep in it. I'll find a way to-

**A knocking sounds could be heart followed by a somewhat distorted voice**

"Hai"

**An abrupt thud would be heard as the phone hits the dashboard- Sakura screaming**

Holy Hell!


	3. Chapter 3- Prison Ordeal

How did this happen, how did I not see this happening? Scum- pure scum of the earth, all bottled up in one place where I now do my daily duties. God- I should have known it was unsafe, but even so I don't understand.

I'd just let someone out of the secured room with the phones and a tall inmate stood next to the control panel, leaning there and speaking to me. I did the whole, professional thing, standing there and hearing him out. He was shy, with a subtle smile and quiet demeanor- he couldn't even look me straight on which was quite flattering.

He asked for an appeal, so I got on the horn to the Judicial to arrange it. It only took two minutes and they responded, they were on their way. I don't even think I got the chance to speak- to ask him to raise his hands. some- bastarding inmate hit me in the back- and another one joined him. I was being savagely beaten. I manage to draw my tazer and hit the one in front of me- he drops to the floor and I jump over him- desperately reloading as the other male- now in front of me- charges towards me. It's a bit of a blur there- I see him at my feet shaking- I rush to the other one while scrambling to draw my cuffs and contain the first one I tazed- followed by his friend.

I got them both- I was panting heavily and I catch a glimpse of the first man I spoke to- who hadn't moved throughout the entire incident. That glimpse of his face, the smile and composure- it made me sick to the bone to know that he'd have stayed like that as I was beaten to death.

Adrenaline had done it's job- now I wasn't afraid, I was just... angry. Holstering my reloaded tazer and removing my baton from my utility belt, I flick my wrist to extend it in my hands. Oh- now those two blokes were making out like it was a mistake! Now they were apologizing- only now- when they were forced to stop, did they show even a hint of remorse.

I don't even remember what I said...I know I shouted at them. I remember clenching my fist around the baton and smashing it on one of their backs. I turned to face the one who I tazed first, catching another glimmer of the man who stood there... Watching. It was less than a second and he turned- walking away- but that same smile remained upon his face. I seen him take a few steps away- then I felt a sharp tug on my hair- and a hand on my throat.

I just froze- My tazer was in it's secure holster- by the time I'd be able to get that out I'd be as good as dead. Baton? My arms were frozen- fingers glued to the stick. Anger has been replaced with fear and dread. Next thing I know- I'm being strangled. I should have known that was the end- I hear shouting and then just silence.

I outstretch my arms as I fall to the floor, deadweight as my own body matches the paralysis of my mind, I simply pant, starting to shake and tune back into the world around me. Ryan helped me up and to the medical station.

The whole ordeal taught me something- force is the greatest teacher that can be used. A tool for correcting these broken men and women. Their rights are merely buying them time before they can make their escape against what society thinks is reasonable. Hesitation based on anything can cost you your life.


	4. Chapter 4- Communist Threat

18th February 2015

I got cocky- there- I said it! If this turn out to be my last I'm not gonna hide it. Someone who had an interest in my Husband has turned their focus to me. Allegedly Ryan betrayed this- Dmitry Kosolov- yeah- I can't speak communise- sue me! Ryan apparently met him, left, and within a few minutes the SA Authorities landed on him and he was arrested, starting the resentment. I dunno if he did it or not- Ryan was optimistic he could convince him that it wasn't his fault, but I think I jumped a bit ahead.

He was detained, and obviously that means time at my- our…. Facility. I didn't know about the reasoning, I knew he'd had an interest in me prior, but to what end wasn't clear. I ended up learning he had "Green lighted" me- which doesn't take much imagination to understand means an order to kill. In my place of work, power and safety under SA and Ryan. Those being under my belt let me feel in control, we talked- despite his cryptic manner.

I reacted to him being such an apparent threat- but it wasn't exactly a… Proper response. I decided a test of control. Another inmate was behaving immaturely- I told the Commie to punch him. He refused, so after nattering- quite civilly I might add, he cooperated as I took him to isolation. He couldn't be controlled and represented a threat- he was calm, collected, and completely unfazed when he told me that he'd take my life apart. First, the polish guy- one of my coworkers, then Ryan…. Then my life. His tone, serious expression without even a hint of anger or fear was the most unsettling thing.

I mentioned I could easily have killed him at that moment, a single bullet. He KNEW I wouldn't. He was released that day- I was glad he was out of my hair, at the time working on the assumption he would drop the resentment toward me and not carry out his threats. I was already on his radar because of some supposed betrayal- but now I was his fixation- and now I know he's high on the food chain of the Russian Mafia.


	5. Chapter 5- Anger Management

I had to note this, it is has the potential to be a really big problem. We were arguing, me and Ryan, I was mad because of something that was dropped on me suddenly by him, it struck an intimate nerve and I went overboard. I wanted to kill him, so I did what I always do when I'm mad... Try to get to a safe place to cool off and clear my head. Problem is, he's too worried about losing me to see what state of mind I was in- so he followed me.

I ran off from the car park to my apartment and locked my door. I kept telling him not to follow me, I can distinctly remember shouting- break this door I break you... I took out my heavy shotgun, cocked it and aimed at the door.

He used his key to enter and I was livid that he didn't listen. He wouldn't, no matter what I said- he just wouldn't leave. He kept asking me to assure him everything was okay, that I still loved him. Why didn't I just say it so he'd go? Because I wouldn't have meant it... I was so angry with him that feeling was buried under sheer rage. I know I warned him, lots of times... Then I shot him from a few steps down the hallway- he collapsed to the floor bleeding and begging me to help him... I just... Ignored him. I tossed the gun in my room, shouting for him to leave as I stripped off for my bath, ignoring my Husband bleeding out in my doorway.

FDSA did come for him- he made up something about an intruder shooting him so I wouldn't get the blame. When he left... Silence. Me in the bath just- blank thoughts. Next thing I actually remember is getting out- it was dark by then so it was at least 2 hours. Going through the hallway in my robe I see the blood and discarded buckshot on the floor.

It finally hit me, what I'd done. I go and get myself hastily ready, packing myself some items to spend the night in hospital... And going next door with my key to his house... Taking him some essentials too. I didn't know whether he'd told anyone what had actually happened. At that point, I didn't honestly care whether he had, I just needed to see him.

Less than two days later it's like it never even happened. He's still recovering his... Mobility, but right now I know that's not the issue. I went ballistic. It's the only time I recall flipping out like that on someone close to me. Am I really dangerous to people who care about me? I need to see a shrink or something, because this can't be left unchecked. I need to figure out a way to prevent it before something more damaging happens.


End file.
